Driving in Doha is not for the faint-hearted, as you adapt to right-hand driving, four-to-six lane highways, new traffic rules, foreign signage, endless detours, heavy volumes of traffic … oh, and the ubiquitous Doha drifters …

Perhaps if I’d previously lived in a big city like Johannesburg or even Cape Town, I’d be less inclined to baulk at the sheer size and volume of the trucks, buses, vans and cars traversing the highways and byways of this modern city at a heady pace.

But since rush-hour traffic on Cape Road in Gqeberha is at the top of my traffic terror barometer, you will surely appreciate the angst that comes with driving in Doha.

I am not alone in my fears as we swerve and brake to avoid missing key turn-offs, fender benders, serious traffic fines (QAR6000 if you perchance run a red traffic light – or a quick R26 220), and even more serious accidents. 

Others employ drivers or rely on Uber, taxis or public transport.  

And I rely on the H, and Mrs Waze, our faithful, ever-calm and ever-patient GPS guide, and prayer!

I can drive, I just won’t be doing it in Doha …  

Allow me to show you why. 

Doha drifters

You will know these drivers. These are those motorists who simply change lanes, often without so much as a glance into their rear-view mirror or a courteous flick of their indicators. They are generally a rare species but in Qatar, and specifically Doha, they are indigenous.

They are everywhere and not restricted to one breed or type. (Though to be far, the swanky SUV, tinted-window models make up a large percentage of the Doha drifters). 

While these Doha drifters drift across four-lane highways, often at high speed, to take an off-ramp exit with consummate ease, you are left floundering in their wake, often having had to take evasive action.

With time, you learn to identity the drifters and anticipate their flickerless intent. 

Monster mergers

The way the roads work in Doha means that roads join bigger roads and motorist enter on a yield-like basis. In other words, you merge into the main thoroughfare when there is a gap in the traffic. Except for the monster mergers who simply barge straight in regardless …

Again, with your new growing defensive driving regimen, your reflex skills are on high alert.

Fast and furious

Often the drifters and monster mergers metamorphorsise into those I call the fast and the furious. They’re prevalent species too.

You enter the far left-hand lane at your peril as this lane is the unspoken preserve of the fast and the furious – these mighty motorists.  In other words, they are probably a local, a Qatari; are well-connected or super rich (to be able to afford the fines).

Okay, I am exaggerating, as I have no idea who they are, but I do know they often exceed the speed limit and frighten all law-abiding motorists out of their way.

I need a video to share just how fast and intimidating they are.

Foreign signage

To be fair, the signage in Doha is very good. It is both in English and Arabic, except the Arabic names are a challenge to Western ears and eyes simply because they are foreign. Understandably, there are no Church, Main or King streets or roads here. Instead, you have Umm (meaning mother), Al (meaning the) or Bin (son of) street, road, service road, corridor, ring road, exit or highway everywhere! Well not quite, but certainly the language takes time to absorb and become familiar.

By way of example, I live at The Avenues (initially, that’s all I could manage when asked where I was living) in Rawdat Ehsain Street, which is off Nega Umm Garn Street, which is off the bigger Omar Al Mukhtar Street in Al Qassar. It’s also close to Al Shabab Street.

Thankfully, Mrs Waze knows where all these places are, though I am not so sure about her plummy pronounciation.

Doha detours

Another “red robot” when it comes to driving in Doha is that of the ongoing construction across the city. With huge infrastructure growth ongoing in readiness for the FIFA 2020 World Cup in Qatar from 21 November to 18 December, road detours are the norm. Most of the big stuff – the erection of gantries, completion of pedestrian bridges and completion or refurbishment of roads – happens over the weekend when the roads are quieter.

Mrs Waze gives us the heads up in redirecting us, but not always, and so we have had some “interesting” (for wont of another word) detours.   

With the construction, comes the addition of huge protective steel plates placed across for strategic points on the roads. They make a big noise as you make contact with these metal munchers. I dread to know how many tyres have been damaged in the name of progress.  

Traffic fines

Traffic fines are eye-wateringly exorbitant – anything from QAR300 (R1300) to QAR6000 (R26 220), dependent on the misdemeanour. Strangely, the financial clout of the Qatari traffic fines is something of a contradiction to hair-raising driving I have witnessed on the roads.

Relaxing at the robots (slang for traffic lights)

Relaxing at a red traffic light is another contradiction in terms. My reasoning with the H, and all other motorists (I know, it’s rich coming from a passenger), is that you might as well relax since some robots take as many as six minutes to change. And, when someone important like the Emir or a visiting dignitary, happens to be coming through as part of a large cavalcade, you can expect to wait even longer.

I am told by those-in-the-know, that traffic lights have systematically been introduced as a replacement for roundabouts. It appears that few motorists had any idea how to correctly use traffic circles, or if they did, they cared not and went on their merry Doha-drifting way causing motoring mayhem in their wake.

It’s a jam – and gawk

The sheer number of vehicles means there are traffic jams. This car crawling or creeping about is worse with all the construction and during rush-hour. Rush-hour here is out of kilter with the South African before and after work times, simply because Qatar goes about its business in sync with the sun! It’s busy very early, then again at between 2pm and 3pm when the working day finishes for some, then at 5pm, and then especially at night. This is because it’s cooler.

Regardless of the traffic jams, I am chilled.

Apart from appreciating that accidents are less likely to happen when stationery, I get to gawk, yes, gawk.

I’m no petrol head, but just love to ogle the luxury cars. While this species is not as prolific or problematic as the Doha drifter, you’ll spot more than the odd couple on any trip you take.

Just as Addo has the greatest density of elephants per square kilometre than anywhere else in the world, I am pretty sure Doha can stake a similar claim when it comes to Bentleys, Rolls, Porsches and the like.

So, waiting patiently for the lights to change, is really no hardship for this passenger.   

When in Doha

Driving in Qatar has a sound track too. Apart from the double bass duff of the metal munchers, there’s a regular shrill beat that comes with the propensity of motorists to hoot. No stoic reserve or patience here, but rather assertive get-on-with-it impatience.

You quickly learn to accept that learning to drive in Doha is a process. It takes time, patience and experience. You will get lost, you will have near misses, and even a fender bender or two, and you will eventually find your way about with the few landmarks that there are like the Torch, the Rainbow Bridge, the national mosque and downtown Doha edifices.

But whatever you do, when in Doha, do not do the Doha drift …