The fun behind the veil at a Qatari wedding

A crescendo in the music signals her arrival. She is alone and she’s fashionably late. It’s 11.35pm as she enters the banquet hall. For the next three minutes, the eyes of 800 female guests are only on the elegant, diminutive bride as she slowly navigates the raised 80-metre walkway, measured step by tiny-measured step, to her awaiting seat.

She is heading for a large modern white couch. There’s no smiling, tearful groom in sight for we are in Qatar, celebrating the wedding of a couple from the country’s original Bedouin tribes.

Religion and culture dictate the norms for this arranged marriage.

I am but an observer (well, I was until I decided to try to dance Arabic style), privileged to have been invited to the walima or reception party for this young bride.

This is a celebration far removed from my own Western wedding yardstick. There’s no ceremony, no speeches, no alcohol and certainly no men.

The men have had their fun – close to 1000 of them gathered the previous evening. Now it’s time for the women to party.

I share this post with permission of the groom’s family, who are unnamed out of respect for them and their Islamic faith. In doing so, I hope you will have a better understanding and appreciation of the Qatari people and their culture.

Behind the veil

So, as we step behind the veil, let me share a little about the purpose of the hijab (that’s the headdress or veil) and abaya (the long flowing robe). Basically, they serve to maintain a woman’s modesty. Such attire also signals their Islamic faith. Wearing these items is not compulsory but in Qatar and other more conservative countries and families, they are the norm.

At home with their families, these outer garments are set aside. At weddings the trademark black is almost entirely discarded. And with it, hopefully every other mistaken notion you might have had about such Arabic women will be cast aside too.

While now is not the time to discuss any unwitting prejudice for anyone who may not look, talk or dress like you, let me just say that underneath it all, we’re pretty much the same, physiologically and emotionally. We love our families, our friends and generally we just want to live an enriched and peaceful life.

And, when it comes to weddings, well, to quote Shania Twain, “Girls just wanna have fun”.

And that we did.

A feast of wedding fashion

With the veils shed, a bevy of beautifully groomed raven-haired beauties emerge from their black cocoons. They touch up their hair and make-up and admire each other’s attire. They’re all wearing magnificent evening gowns.

(As an aside, I wore my mother-of-the-bride dress. Let’s just say my scant sequins paled alongside the glittering luxury fashion.)  

I now know who buys and wears the latest imports on display in the high-end fashion precincts within Qatar’s top shopping malls, including Place Vendome, Al Hazm, Villagio and Gate Mall.

Once I remember to close my mouth and stop staring, I think of my South African friends, especially Michelle and Lyndall, and former fashion editor Barbara Robertson, who would better appreciate the fashion, jewellery, hair and footwear on display.

They’d better describe it, too.

In a nutshell, the reception was an opulent, classy and worldly affair. Yes, the Arabic influence is present in the décor, designs, and tell-tale make-up, but the dresses could come from anywhere in the world.

You will simply have to use your imagination based on my descriptions because guests are not permitted to get “snap happy”.

Unplugged – no phones allowed

In keeping with the modesty expectations, photography using cellphones is not allowed at Qatari weddings.

Most of the photographs for this post were provided and come from the professionals hired for the day. One team was flown in from Australia.

Your phone is popped into a locked pouch with a smiley sticker placed over the camera. This still allows you to receive and make calls and send messages. This cellphone bagging is just one of the many security measures taken to ensure a stress-free wedding for the families.

Security measures

No invite, no entry.

Even though I had been verbally invited to the wedding, it was only three days before the event that a boxed invite arrived, along with the all-important entry tag.

The queue to enter the Sheraton Hotel, Qatar’s oldest hotel at 41 years, is long and slow as each guest invite is carefully checked. The same process is repeated as we enter the banquet hall where I find myself playing goldfish again.

First impressions

With almost three years of Qatar’s bigger-better-more lifestyle under the belt, I thought I had seen and experienced most things. But once again, my little old South African jaw dropped at the sheer size of the room (almost as big as Nelson Mandela University’s Indoor Centre for those of you from Gqeberha) and the opulence within.

It was another surreal pinch-me moment.

The grandiose size of the Dafna Hall and its contents – the stage, the flowers, the lounge seating with coffee tables groaning with bespoke snacks, the strange sounds (for me, anyway), the legions of staff wearing uniforms matching white and maroon-coloured wedding décor delivering tray after tray of tasty treats …

And, of course, all the guests decked out in their finest.

I loved it.

Bridgerton vibes

The celebration had a Bridgerton feel to it. The British hit TV series focuses on a leading family in England during the Regency era (1811 to 1820) which hosts a number of high-society balls as part of a process for each of the siblings to find love.

This celebratory event was as a result of a love match arranged by the families. And I couldn’t help but think that the all-female guests might be assessing likely prospects for their own sons and brothers.

So yes, just to confirm – this marriage was an arranged one between close families. And, before you panic, as I did, the bride had the option of saying no.

“It’s like Kinder Joy for us. It’s always a lovely surprise,” one family member quipped when asked.

The Bride

At just 20, she agreed to marry the 23-year-old groom – a young man she had never met, but who was known to her.

Or to quote her new sister-in-law: “She trusted her family with the decision. Just as I trusted my family in finding my future husband.” 

I did not get to meet or congratulate the bride as she sat alone on the stage with the party taking place all around her.

She wore a long body-hugging dress with a magnificent silver and diamond necklace. Her glossy black hair hung loosely down across her back. Her posture remained upright for the near two-hours she was seated on her “throne”.

I well remember thinking that this is the stuff of fairytales – a young, innocent and extremely beautiful woman who has yet to meet her betrothed.

I still marvel at this. But who am I to judge?

Decor

I am going to let the photographs speak for themselves.

Super service

Service was excellent.

Once inside the door, I handed over my abaya to a team offering a cloakroom service and then proceeded down the mirror and flower-lined corridor where the invite numbers were again scrutinised and our phones blocked.

Within the wedding reception hall were teams of staff with varying roles. Some bought drinks; others sweet treats and others still the main courses of food.

A mere wave of the hand, and someone was in attendance.

Wave after wave of food kept coming … canapes, roll sandwiches, light saj breads, chocolates, biscuits … And these were just the nibbles!

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Food, glorious food

I have a carpe diem attitude to most things. This is to my detriment when it comes to food. Living in the Middle East has been a culinary treat.

The fare on offer was fabulous as I “seized the moment”.

This mobile hospitality of bite-sized morsels included traditional Arabic sweets and hot Omani halwa, chocolates and various biscuits as shared below.

I tried almost everything I was offered, along with the obligatory starter, main and dessert courses.

An interesting approach was to give guests different starters, mains and desserts. This meant every second guest got the same fare. But not to worry, our table quickly put pay to food fomo by sampling each other’s fare. (So much for COVID-19!)

This food included Qatari favourites Lumqaimat, Baqlawa, Bashousa, Maamol, Ghrabyeh, Um Ali (my favourite pudding here) and Qatayef. (I am gathering information – and a growing waistline -for a future blog on Qatari food, so you will learn what these dishes are).

The relaxed lounge seating, as opposed to sitting at dining tables, and the equally curious company made such sampling conducive.

Drinks

As with the food, it was carpe diem time again with the liquid refreshments. Had this been a Western wedding such a laissez faire approach might have got me into trouble.

Instead, I quenched my thirst on the likes of saffron red tea, mint red tea, karak, red seed milk, rose milk, pistachio milk, sahlab, sheehleb colette hot chocolate, cold hibiscus tea, Turkish coffee, fresh juices, smoothies, various flavoured mojitos ….

The variety was amazing.

Dancing and singing

“When in Rome … “, so I did as the Qataris do. Nudged on by my friend, whose Latin American heritage means her feet can move to any beat, we danced to the live music.

This was provided by popular Arabic singers Omaima Taleb from Tunisia for the first half of the evening and then Rehab Al Shamrani from Saudi Arabia.

Seated some way from the stage, we quietly practiced dancing Arabic-style behind our couch – gently swaying our hips and twirling our raised arms rhythmically to the music (well, we tried!)

Our efforts did not go unnoticed and before we knew it, the host family encouraged us to join them on the dance floor.

It was another of those surreal moments …

Am I really moving this way to music that is completely foreign to my ear, amidst beautifully groomed and dressed women whose glances and smiles are welcoming in a venue groaning with opulence?

Perhaps I am a princess after all!

And that’s a wrap – hospitality par excellence

It was some time after 1pm when the bride quietly made her exit – off to meet her husband for the first time in a quiet ceremony with the immediate family. (Yes, you’re marveling at this, too, aren’t you?)

Here, I am told, the groom, lifted her veil and popped a gentle kiss on her forehead before smiling into her eyes …

We took our leave too, each carrying a gift box of chocolates and nuts from one of the original chocolate families of Qatar.

We also stopped off to pick up our abayas except mine was not to be found – mixed up in the melee of black garments. No matter. We were homeward bound at 2am after my friend’s vehicle was driven to the door by the valet service.

My abaya was returned to me a week or so later, fully laundered. Such was and is the hospitality and attention to detail of the Qatari hosts.

Thank you to the host family. You made me feel like a princess.

But here’s hoping the real princess, the beautiful bride, enjoys a “happily-ever-after” future.